Warning: Do not – I repeat – do NOT order a drink called the Bucket of Fire the day after an Ironman unless you want to find yourself literally in a bucket of fire in the form of your own body heat.
Especially do not order this drink after a famous Hawaiian Mai Tai. Extra especially do not order this drink after you completed Ironman less than 24 hours earlier and if you are convinced you left about 5 lbs of your body weight in crap, fluids, and sweat along the Queen K because your stomach was on fire for the last 18 miles of the run. And note it does not mix well with day-long chocolate/peanut butter overload, mocchi balls, and your favorite Filipino desert halo-halo mix-mix washed down with Power Bar Recovery Drink. And you probably should not consume the Bucket of Fire after taking two Tylenol Cold & Flu because you are either getting sick or allergic to the island. And after you took 1000 mg of acetominophen earlier in the day just to get your legs through the day. And an Ambien to fall asleep the night before (which by the way still does not really drown out the sound of your post-IM-snore machine husband or your growing fear of the giant cockroaches that seem to have a little roach motel behind the toilet in your condo’s bathroom). And you probably shouldn’t be drinking Buckets of Fire in the first place because you have not held anything in your stomach for more than 4 miles or 32 minutes for the past 24 hours.
Note that at times like this your friends and family will sense your weakness and will try to get you to order a drink like the Bucket of Fire. Yes, they will ask the waitress for 6 straws and even your mother-in-law will play along in the charade when really all they wanted to see was you consume the entire Bucket of Fire on your own. Because there is talk that you have not had a drink since early September when you decided to go wine tasting by yourself (note: an excellent choice unless you are by yourself). And when you say no my stomach cannot handle anymore they say, come on, you can do it. You think to yourself they are right – I swam/biked/ran yesterday for over 10 hours so I’ll be damned if this Bucket of Fire beats me now.
But be warned – the Bucket of Fire will beat you.
When this happens, you may find that you leave the restaurant to lay beaten along the seawall on Alii Drive to cool off (note: it is impossible to cool off on an island that has at least two giant volcanoes rising from it) while sketchy islanders say aloha to you as they drive by thinking perhaps you are for sale. You may just find yourself thinking if their car has air conditioning you might be willing to negotiate a price. When you finally walk back inside the restaurant someone will point out that there is still more in the glass of Bucket of Fire. And you think to yourself oh no this is one finish line I cannot cross. Not yet. I need to ease into this post-Ironman life. Too much too soon is a sure way to get yourself injured quick.
Or sold on Alii Drive.
