After spending a weekend with all men, mostly 10 years younger than me (what lottery did I win, eh?), I laughed so hard I think it caused my stomach to cramp during the race. Here are a few of the terms that floated around all weekend.
Streaky Racer:
You know this person – sometimes they’re on, sometimes they’re off. A streaky racer, you never know if they’ll show up and win or not even show.
The Best Thing Money Can Buy:
Sam said the 60 bucks on the counter was for his cleaning lady but we suspect it was code for an escort service. When Sam asked if I wanted a slice of the Bosnian Cake she left behind, I wasn’t sure whether to accept it or run the other way.
Self-Deflate:
Something Sam’s air mattress might do in the middle of the night.
Shaky Shake:
A technical term describing the jiggle of your junk in your tri suit. For example, “I like this swimsuit but I’m not sure if it’s got too much shaky shake.” Not that I have a lot to shaky shake but still it’s something us women (and men – you’re not immune to this) out there should be concerned about.
Hottie Grotto:
A great place to hang out the day before the race or another name for the outdoor hot tub area at Mizzou. Bursting with busty co-eds.
The Hurt Shop:
Some place you don’t want to go shopping unless you are peaked for an A race.
The Well:
Deeper, darker, uglier than the hurt shop but you pay the same price for a much higher product of hurt.
Shake n’ Bake:
A look on someone’s eyes as they glaze over after watching your go by with too much shaky shake.
Forgot to Fill My Water Bottle:
An excuse, albeit a really bad one, for performing below par at a race. For example, Peter forgot to fill his water bottle on the bike and ended up trying to swallow down his own spit and lick his own sweaty arm on the run (hey, we’ve all been there Pete, we’ve all been there).
The Poopadilly Circus:
Tends to come through town on race morning, sometimes several times before the race.
Clown Shoe:
Not something you want to be called. Kind of an oversized a**hole that we don’t find very funny. For example, you go for a warm-up run and return to transition to find that some clown shoe has touched your stuff or some clown shoe’s bike is in your spot.
Do, Date, or Dump – World Politics:
A great game to play on the way home from a race. Margaret Thatcher, Janet Reno, Hillary Clinton; I discover my husband would dump Thatcher, do Hillary, and date Janet Reno because he’s always been fascinated by what she has to say. You can never take this game too seriously.
Chowbox:
Insatiable post-race hunger. For example, after the race Liz announces she is so hungry she might just start snacking on Sam’s arm – that Liz is a real chowbox.
Speed Goggles:
You see at a girl at a race, you think she’s hot because she’s fast. She might not even be that hot but because she’s fast you confuse smokin’ fast with smokin’ hot. Kind of like beer goggles, but legal.
Lunchbox:
See “Chowbox”.
Multipurpose Tool:
Something you might find in your bike kit or someone you might find at the start line of a race.
